Epocalymus

Last Sunday, I received a present from my father who, after a long period of waiting for a sales promotion, bought me a new phone, called the HTC Touch HD. It is a gift that meant to be an encouraging support from both my parents, for being able to land myself in a stable job. Although I am pretty fed-up with so many things going on in the work plae recently, I never failed to recall those glorious moments when I was accepted and given the chance to rise up in society.

While playing with my new phone, i took a little snap shot of the box where it came from.

Some people used to tell me that we have to improve on what we are weak at, and build upon what we are good at. I can’t partially disagree more. My question for this attempting-to-be-inspiring statement would be: why the extra effort to improve our weakness? Why not let’s build on our strengths and hide our weakness? I still can’t understand the dynamics of this very aspect of life itself. There is one thing I know for sure, is that I hate public speaking, as I am never good with words. But I love to write to convey my ideas and whatever I have in my mind at that point in time. The reason is that it practically takes me a longer period of time trying to find the right words to fit into the statements I would like to utter (or stutter if I would like to comment about it). I prefer writing my thoughts because, in this way, I can reflect upon the issues I want to say, and many of my argumentative write-ups have been written, not spoken. I hate debates with the timers, and speaking to numb-nuts who don’t get what I am trying to say. I can’t work out the words I want to say unless I write them down and read them from the paper itself. I am never a spontaneous person when it comes to public speaking, and so there is this much longing inside me to avoid this weakness I have in order not to make a fool out of myself.

Unfortunately, I can’t avoid this in my workplace. I have to admit I do screw things up whenever I had the chance to present something. ALL THE TIME. I would rather write an essay, a report, or an argumentative yet controversial thesis, either to get attention, or recognition, or to find pleasure in what I write. That is why I blog, because without writing my inner thoughts and feelings, I would soon suffer clinical depression or some other mild symptoms of mental disorder. My strategy for conveying my message is of the forthcoming type, and thus it may offend others, but nonetheless, is truthful (sometimes perhaps, painfully so). Right now, there’s so much that I have in my mind, which is troubling me. It seems that I can never get rid of the thought that others pretty much dislike me in some ways. I am not certain of how I can provide evidence for this, but perhaps, it is this feeling of paranoia taking over me again and again. Moreover, it is recurring more often than I can ever imagine. I know I need help and someone who listens, but such help does not come easily for me. People seem to be listening to others more than wanting to listen to me, and this is rather frustrating, because there are some things that I know much more than what I think they think I do not know of. The negative aspect of having so much intrapersonal intelligence is that one is capable of knowing himself more than what he thinks others do. I am jealous, of so many people. And I have so many things I want in life, but there is no GOD capable or worthy enough to provide those – things like, intelligence, infinite wisdom, knowledge, and the ability to captivate audience.

GOD is never fair. HE never is.
I wish I could have Hitler’s artistic talent
I wish I could have Stalin’s power
I wish I could have the authority like Vlad the Impaler
I wish I could have the intelligence of Einstein’s
I wish I could be as rich as the richest man alive

Girls * Glory * Gold * Greater levels of IQ

Nothing tastes better than these things, and if only I have them all, I have the world. And I would rather lose this soul of mine in pursuit of something that gives me greatness. We all desire greatness, because we all think that with such glory, we can be better in our lives. I think not. In this sense, greatness cannot be measured, but in my view, it is my portion to a source of power lying not too far away.

I hate what I am now, of where I am standing. If power greets me along the way, I will use it like I have never used it before…